Schadenfreude Today, Collective Misery Tomorrow

“Next to ‘I win’, ‘I told you so’ are the sweetest words – Gore Vidal

Taking joy from other people’s misfortune – schadenfreude – is a truly guilty pleasure. Not many people will admit to it, but everyone can recognise it as a familiar sensation. And we can all admit to having felt it at least once in our lives. No? Are you seriously telling me that you’ve never felt satisfaction when the little shit in the doctor’s surgery who’s throwing tantrums and making a scene, slips, bangs his head and is reduced to whimpering quietly in his exhausted mother’s arms? Well, then you’re a better person than I am and I am therefore a petty, petty man! But flippancy aside, it’s hard not to feel joy at the misfortune that befell the party of Theresa ‘The Appeaser’ May.

It seems that my wish for the Tory party to drown in it’s own hubris has indeed come true. The arrogance, disdain, negativity and assumption that the same old political paradigms still exist, will haunt the party indefinitely and they should. The Tory party have behaved like the world’s worst casino over the past two years; David Cameron needlessly gambled and took the country in to an unnecessary referendum that led to Brexit and now his successor has managed to weaken her authority by seeking a mandate that she didn’t need and singularly failing to get it. And since the Tory party have always vacillated between autocracy and assassination with their leaders, the future for both the party and its leadership looks bleak.

I confess I find it hilarious today and mainly for the following reason: Theresa May went in to the election trading on her apparent (and to me inexplicable) popularity. But as soon as the British public got to know who she was and listened to her they thought sod that. The blatant opportunism of May in calling the election that was clearly putting her party before her country has blown up in her face. She saw Jeremy Corbyn and the Labour party as the ugly kid whom she could pick a fight with, certain of her victory. But the problem with fighting the ugly kid is that they have nothing to lose and they garner sympathy. And so ugly Shrek-like Labour fought a scrappy fight and gave the Prince Charmings of the Tory party a bloody nose. Congratulations Theresa. Apart from looking like the world’s oldest public schoolboy you’ve also proven that you’re never too old to learn something stupid.

However, as delicious as schadenfreude tastes today, the reality of the next few weeks and months will probably result in the misery of government paralysis. Whatever the Tories say and whatever alliances they make, they have no mandate. Brexit is now an impossible task for a government whose confidence at their bargaining position always seemed remarkably optimistic – and the Brexit clock is ticking. Already complicated negotiations have now become as simple to navigate as quantum physics is for a 3 year old. Poor old Theresa. She used to be indecisive but now she’s not sure. She is at the helm of a party who are sharpening the knives and tolerating her until the first cockroach crawls from under the rock to make their leadership move. The Tories have a lame duck Prime Minister and no real stomach for a leadership fight, compounded by the fact that they have no real plan for governing as demonstrated by the weakness of their manifesto. And they absolutely have no plan for Brexit whilst Europe have their strategies and negotiators in place.

So, what does this mean for us? Well, the Tory austerity agenda is in tatters. It is inconceivable that they can push through legislation on welfare cuts and other punitive, sanction-based policies. Brexit negotiations cannot begin within the current climate. Most excitingly young people have shouted loud and clear that the Conservative party are not representative of them. They have said emphatically that Jeremy Corbyn and progressive, egalitarian, alternative policies are what they are interested in and that’s what they voted for. Frankly I can’t predict what this means for the country apart from paralysis and uncertainty. You might have voting fatigue but don’t be surprised if we have another election before the year’s out.

So the United Kingdom has rarely looked so disunited and the Great in Britain has lost its lustre. But that’s if you view it through a traditional prism. If you’re young, from a minority, anti-Brexit, dependent on social welfare, then this potentially heralds a new dawn. This could be the clarion call that those of us who have been seeking a meritocratic, compassionate society have been wishing for. This is the time to support progressive agendas and demonstrate that the politics of fear, division and hate so beloved by the right and horrifyingly demonstrated by the racist, sexually predatory tin of Fanta in America, do not inevitably result in electoral victory. Politics has changed and I for one am thankful that Jeremy Corbyn stuck to his principles and gave his critics the middle finger.

Awww, Theresa. She wanted to consummate the marriage and instead, she’s ruined the honeymoon. The country may be *ucked but I can’t help laughing.